When All Seems Hopeless
by Devil of My Family
Summary: [Chris related songfics that have nothing to do with each other.] There are times in life when everything just seems to fall down on you...
1. Somebody else

Songfics… Charmed: Somebody else 

_What if I was alright?_

What if he was alright...? How would that feel? Chris didn't know... Chris wanted to know but he didn't. And the reason he wasn't alright was his mother. His mother, who only seemed to love him when he was bringing home good grades, being the perfect son that made her look the perfect mother in the so called 'real world'. And the fact was that when Chris was 'useless', Piper didn't pay him attention at all. And that hurt Chris.

_What if I wasn't wound so tight?_

What was the thing in him that made Piper ignore him? Well, of course there was Wyatt. Wyatt who was aloud to study in magicschool, aloud to bring home a C plus, who played baseball and got hugs and kissed all the time. In front of Chris. "What if I was a bad boy? Could I get her attention?" Chris thought. He doubted it, but maybe being bad would make him feel better. Drinking, using drugs... The hangover couldn't possible be as painful as this...

_What if had the balls to be bad?_

Of course, there was the risk that when Chris was bad, Piper would never look at him like she looked at Wyatt all the time: like she was proud of him. And Dad... Dad was the one and only thing in Chris's life that made him feel like he was loved. Well, Wyatt was there, too, but he had so many other things going on at that time. Leo was there for Chris every time he needed him. Chris couldn't let him down. He couldn't dare the thought of his father with a disappointed look on his face.

_Would you still look at me like that?_

This day had been a top of all to Chris. It was his birthday, his _18th_ birthday! Leo came down as soon as he woke up to wish him happy birthday. That was a tradition since Leo couldn't buy any presents. They had gone down and found Piper fussing all over, looking for something. "Why aren't you guys ready? Got to go, gotta go, big game!" she said when she saw them. "Wh...?" "Well, I suppose Wy won't mind if you don't come... he will mind more if everyone's late, so... We'll be home around two. Bye!" And with that Piper left. "Maybe they are having a party after the game..." Leo suggested. "Yeah... maybe..." But when they came back, they was absolutely no sign of a party. Piper, Phoebe, Paige (who had forgot, too) and Wyatt came in all laughing and cheering. "What's the big deal?" Leo asked. "What's the big deal! We won!" Wyatt yelled. "I have to bake a cake or something. What do you want, sweetie? It's your day, after all!" Piper said. Leo, who had just grongratulated his older son, looked at Chris with great sympathy. Chris looked at his hands... they clearly had forgot. Even Wyatt. And with that thought in his head, Chris orbed away...

_Would you be mad that I had held the old me back?_

Chris sat on the Golden Gate Bridge, thinking. He wasn't good enough for his mother, his aunts... and he would always walk under the shadow of Wyatt. He would have to be something great... like double-blessed...but he wasn't... so he wasn't good enough.

Why can't I be somebody else? 

_Somebody who isn't too cool to believe it's okay to be just me?_

"Chris?" Chris heard voice behind him. "Hi, Dad..." he said. Leo sat next to him. "Chris, I'm so so..." "It isn't your fault, Dad. How could it be your fault? And it's not that big of a deal anyway... I should've known..." Chris cut in with a quiet voice. "It _is _big of a deal, Chris. You've got every right to be mad!" "Mad? Why would I be mad? Raising two kids is clearly too much for mum. I can't blame her if she for some reason loves Wyatt more than me."

Maybe I was too much 

_Maybe I'll take it down a notch_

"And, you know, maybe I can make myself more lovable. Maybe if I..." "Chris, stop it! You do NOT have to do anything! It isn't your fault! You couldn't possibly be more lovable. You haven't asked any presents since you were a child, you always, ALWAYS bring home an A, you don't argue, you don't get angry... And now you've got every right to be. I'm angry with her! With all of them! I feel like they need a good lesson but I also feel that you should one that gives it to them!"

Maybe I'll have guts to be mad 

Chris looked at Leo. He had never been angry with anyone in his family. He had never felt anger towards anyone but demons. Sadness, frustration, guilt, hurt yes... but never angry. And now he did. He felt like kicking and screaming. He wanted to hurt their feelings... But he also wanted to hide... Hide to somewhere where no one could ever bring him back. He wanted to show that he was not going to live in a house where he wasn't wanted. And maybe he would make them feel bad by getting drunk and locked up by Darryl.

Maybe I'll mess me up real bad 

Maybe that would make Piper wish that she HAD paid attention when she had a chance.

Maybe I'll make you wish you had the old me back 

"Why am I not good enough to her, Dad... What have I done wrong?" And that was when Chris broke down. He put his head down to his hands and sobbed. Leo took him into a warm embrace, whispering comforting words. "You are good enough, Chris. You haven't done anything. It's okay, she'll understand. Everything's gonna be okay, I promise. I love you." Chris cried against Leo's chest, wanting to believe every word he had just said. "...love you, too, Dad", he whispered. Leo rocked him back and forth. "Let's go home."

Why can't I be somebody else? 

_Somebody who isn't too cool to believe it's okay to be just me_

"Good, you found him. Now you can explain what exactly were you thinking leaving like that?" Piper said as soon as they came. "What? Were you worried about me? Or just pissed cuz you had to find me. Which, by the way, you didn't!" Chris said loudly. Piper looked at him, confused. She had never heard Chris talking like that. Like he was angry, hurt... "What is that suppose to mean?" she asked. "It means that I bet that you didn't even care where I went. It would just look bad to your neighbours if one of your sons were missing. So you had to spend you preasuse time with Wyatt to find me. And I still think you didn't even try." Everybody looked at Chris at this point. Wyatt's mouth was opened, Phoebe and Paige looked shocked. Leo smiled with a look on his face that said: 'Let it all out'.

What if I can't remember who I'm trying to be? 

"Chris, what are you talking about? Of course I cared!" Piper said. "Oh, yeah, right! I'm not Wyatt so why would you care?" "Hey!" Wyatt yelled. "Sorry, Wy. This isn't about you", Chris convinced, not taking his eyes off his mother. "So what is this about?" Piper asked. "You", Chris said simply. "You only pay attention to me when I bring home an A. You show it to Mrs. Vanlost and then forget me again! You even forgot that I..." Chris stopped talking. He was so angry but still, for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to tell that he turned eighteen about 10 and half hours ago. "Forgot that you what? What did I forget?

Why can't I be somebody else? 

_Somebody who isn't too good to believe it's okay to be just me?_

"Nothing. Forget it, if you still don't remember then I don't think you should know at all. I'll go to my room." Chris was about to leave but Piper got a hold of his arm. "What – did I – forget?" she said. She was more angry that interested, and when Chris saw that, he just snapped. "That it's my birthday! My 18th birthday to be exact. I didn't expect anything big, just a hug would've been nice. But no! I didn't have a baseball game. Now let go of me, cuz I'll leave anyway!" Chris was almost yelling the last words. Piper was too shocked to let go. She stared at her younger son, who looked back angry and little bit annoyed. "Fine!", he sighed and orbed away, leaving Piper stand there.

Just me...! 

Chris moved away few days after his outburst. He hadn't talk to Piper and Piper didn't talk to him. Wyatt on the other hand had spent a half an hour saying 'I'm sorry'... Chris didn't blame him... Okay, maybe a little, but he could get over that. He was happy now that he had let it all out. And maybe someday he could forgive his mother... maybe someday she would actually say I'm sorry, too...

THE END

Somebody else, Bleu


	2. Master of being alone

Charmed: Master of being lonely Child of wilderness 

_Born to emptiness_

Chris lied in his bed, crying. He has just saw that dream again, where his mother died. Were his brother had gone mad, and where his father couldn't care less. God, Chris was 22 years old, and it still scared the hell out of him. Mostly because it all was true. His mother WAS dead, his brother WAS mad and his father couldn't care less. Or at least, he couldn't care less about Chris. Not in his own world, and not in here. He may have told Chris that he trusted him, but still... Wyatt was all he cared about, his oh, so perfect son...

Learn to be lonely 

_Learn to find your way on darkness_

Wyatt... yes, no matter how hard Chris tried to deny it, Wyatt was the reason to all his tears. Because of Wyatt he had no one. No one who would smile at him, no one to hug him... No mum, no dad, no aunts, no cousins no grandpa, no Bianca. "Oh God, Bianca...!" New tears made their way to Chris's eyes. His one and only true love, Bianca had died, saving his life. Wyatt had killed him... "I'm so sorry, Bianca... I'm so sorry...!" Chris whispered through his sobs. Bianca was the only one who had truly cared about Chris for the last eight years. She had been there for Chris from the first day of the rebellion to the day she had died... His late beloved fiancé.

Who will be there for you Comfort and take care of you 

Now Chris was alone. Alone to complete his mission to safe his big brother. And why? Cuz he loved him. Yes, Chris loved Wyatt. Before he had turned he was the BEST big brother anyone could ask for. And now he sent assassin after Chris. Oh yeah, life is a big ironic bitch. It was clear that Wyatt didn't want to give away his place as a ruler of the underworld, but it was also clear that if he truly wanted Chris dead, he would be that by now. And he wasn't. But he was alone. Not that it was anything new, though. Chris had been alone for a very long time.

_Learn to be lonely_

_Learn to be your one companion_

You would think that Chris's biggest dream was to bring his family back together, so he could have a good life when he went back. But no. Chris's biggest dream was to bring his back togeher for his mom. Piper may had been a great mum, but she was unhappy. She had missed Leo her hole life. And that was one of the reasons why Chris hated Leo so much. He had made his mum unhappy. Chris had never cared that anyone was never there for him when his family was going through difficult times. He wanted someone to be there for Piper. But now... no, he still didn't dare to dream that someone would come in and hold him tight. It could never happen...

Never dreamed, out in the world 

_There are arms to hold you_

Even when Chris had fallen in love with Bianca, he had thought for a long time that no one could ever love him. But Bianca had, Bianca had loved him. And now she was gone, just like everyone else. And Chris's biggest fear had come true, he had no one. And before she had died she had turned to his brother's side. She had got his forgiveness... And that had hurt Chris like hell. Because he knew that no one got Wyatt's forgiveness back so easily, not after what they had done. He knew what Bianca had done. She had never said it, of course she hadn't, but Chris knew it. Even if he knew Bianca loved him, he knew now that Bianca never fully believed in their mission.

You've always known 

_Your heart was on it's own_

But Chris did. He would safe Wyatt, no matter what. He just had to learn how to be happy again. That wouldn't be easy. But he had to, he couldn't let anyone see that he was as weak as anyone else. No. He would let everybody believe that he was strong and emotionless. That he couldn't care less about his own heart. Yes, that would be so much easier, just laugh trough difficult times. Just live in the world where everything was OK. And forget the world where it wasn't…

So laugh in your loneliness 

_Child of the wilderness_

_Learn to be lonely_

_Learn to love_

_Life that is lived alone_

It was all going to be perfect. Life could kick Chris's ass for few more months, that wouldn't hurt. And then, it was all going to end. Chris would get a happy life. And if he wouldn't… well then, there are a lot of people who live alone, right? Why couldn't Chris be one of them? That couldn't be so hard if so many people did it. Chris wouldn't mind living alone… in the bitter world full of hate… Oh yeah, Chris didn't mind at all.

Learn to be lonely 

_Life can be lived_

_Life can be loved_

_Alone…_

THE END

Learn to be Lonely, Beyonce (Phantom of the Opera)


	3. I'll be there for you

**I'll be there for you, songfic for Wyatt and Chris**

_So no one told you life was gonna be this way _

Chris walked as quickly as he could, making his way home. God, working in a hamburger place can make a boy… I think frustrated would be the best word to describe it. But, you know, since Chris' parents were dead and he had to pay college, he had no choice. He just thanked some higher power for the fact that he had a home to go after a hard day. But usually that higher power couldn't care less about Chris. Oh yes, Chris' life pretty much sucked. For the last year and a half he had had… about twenty one night things and one girl who had dated a total of three weeks. Wyatt, the older brother who Chris lived with, was getting annoyed to find a new girl in their kitchen _every morning!_

_Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A_

"I'm home!" Chris yelled as he opened the front door of the manor. "Well, finally. What're you trying to do, kill yourself by working too hard? It's nine p.m.!" Wyatt said and came to the hall. Chris sighed. "I know, but Connor was sick so I covered for him. I get a little extra for that", Chris explained. "Chris, how many times do I have to tell you that you don't need extra money! I can give…" "No! I appreciate the offer, Wy, I really do, but no. I don't want your money. And I hope this is the last time I say it." "But…" "No, Wy. I'm going to bed." And with that Chris went upstairs.

_It's like you're always stuck in second gear_

_When it hasn't been you day, your week, your month, or even your year, but…_

"He's just trying to help", a voice in Chris' mind told him. Yeah, that was Wyatt, always trying to help his littlebrother. As if he didn't have problems of his own. But he did, and Chris knew that. He just didn't want Wyatt to worry about him. He was a big boy, almost twenty, he could take care of himself. But Wyatt didn't seem to get it. Ever since Piper and Leo died and Phoebe and Paige moved away, Wyatt has been there for Chris every time he needed help. But now, it was time for Chris to grow up, and take care of himself. He didn't need Wyatt anymore. Oh yeah, not at all.

_I'll be there for you_

_When the rain starts to fall_

_I'll be there for you_

_Like I've been there before_

_I'll be there for you_

_Cuz you're there for me, too_

**The next morning**

_You're still in bed at ten and work began at eight_

Wyatt had a headache. He was suppose to be at work right now, but no. He was in bed, he was tired and so not going anywhere. Work could wait. They didn't need him there 24/7. Right? Well, if they did they could call but before that, Wyatt was not getting up from bed. He had heard Chris leaving hours ago. God, that boy could be so stubborn! He needed help, but he just wouldn't ask for it. Why? Because he was so damn proud. Without warning Wyatt heard the fire alarm ringing. "What the…?" He got up from the bed with a great effort and orbed downstairs. There was coffee on table and bacon in oven. Oven? Yes, oven, Chris didn't like to use fat when he cooked. Next to the coffee there was a note: 'I saw your beer bottles. Hide them better next time. Enjoy your breakfast, I'll be back by seven. Chris.'

_You burned your breakfast, so far, things are going great_

Wyatt sank to a chair, not bothering to take the bacon out of the oven. He didn't get drunk often, but when he did, the mornings were like hell. But still, something was different about this morning. Wyatt may have a good job, great girlfriend and awesome brother… But he finally admitted that he needed help as much as his awesome brother did. He didn't enjoy his work like he use to, he was thinking about leaving his girlfriend and Chris was slowly but surly pulling away. Things needed to change in the Halliwell household. And they needed to change fast.

_Your mother warned you there'd be days like these_

_But she didn't tell when the world has brought you down to your knees that_

Wyatt heard the front door opening. "What is that smell?" Suddenly Chris ran to the kitchen and took the bacon out. "You couldn't just eat it?" "It was already burning when I came downstairs", Wyatt defended himself. "What're you doing home anyway?" "Boring class, I had to get out of there", Chris said and sat next to Wyatt. Wyatt nodded. He knew the feeling. "Well, I'm not going to work today either. So what do you say, how 'bout we hang around together today, like we use to?" Chris smiled. "Yeah, that would be great."

_I'll be there for you_

_When the rain starts to fall_

_I'll be there for you_

_Like I've been there before_

_I'll be there for you_

_Cuz you're there for me, too_

After late breakfast, Wyatt and Chris decided to go to their favourite place in the world: Golden Gate Bridge. "Do you remember when Dad showed us this spot for the first time?" Wyatt asked. "Yeah. I was scared of heights so I wouldn't let go of his arm." Wyatt laughed a little. "You were so cute!" "Shut up!" "Well, you were!" Chris laughed. However, soon his smile faded. He sighed. "I miss them…" he said quietly. "So do I", Wyatt said. There was a long silence between the two 'til Wyatt broke it. "At least I have you…"

_No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me _

_Seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me _

_Someone to face the day with, make it through the rest with,_

_Someone I'll always laugh with _

_Even at my worst, I'm best with you. Yeah!_

Chris looked at his bigbrother. "Oh yeah? Well I have you, too", he joked. He was not very good at showing his feelings and situations like this made him feel uncomfortable. But like I already said, something was different about this morning. And it was getting a really different day. So even if Chris couldn't say it, he made sure that Wyatt knew what he really felt. And there was not a single thing that Chris could hide from his brother.

_It's like you're always stuck in second gear_

_When it hasn't been you day, your week, your month or even your day, but…_

There was a silence again. This time neither of them broke it. They just sat there, knowing the other one would never leave his side. Never.

_I'll be there for you _

_When the rain starts to fall_

_I'll be there for you_

_Like I've been there before_

_I'll be there for you_

_Cuz you're there for me, too_

"Wyatt?" "Yeah?" "Could you loan me some money. You know, for books?" Wyatt smiled. "Of course, littlebrother. How much do you need?" Finally, they understood that it was okay to ask for help. Both of them.

_I'll be there for you… _

_I'll be there for you… _

_I'll be there for you_

_Cuz you're there for me, too!_


	4. I'll See It All In My Baby

**I'll See it All In My Baby…**

Piper cried, she couldn't stop… even if she and Chris had had so little time to bond, that didn't mean that loosing him wouldn't hurt. Specially when she knew that she had spend months not trusting him, almost hating him and even saying that she never wanted to see him again… And now he was gone! Piper wanted to believe that her son was happy in the future that he himself had made, but the look on Leo's face told that it wasn't true. She was lying to herself by believing it. But it hurt SO DAMN hard to think that after all what Chris had done he had just… died… Died!

_Nothing seems to be the way that it used to be_

_Everything seems shallow_

But… there was the baby. The baby that right now looked at his mother with those beautiful green eyes that Piper had learned to love. He was Chris. Christopher Perry Halliwell. Piper took him into her arms. "Hey there, handsome. Hungry?" Baby Chris said nothing, he just took a hold of Piper's finger. Few tears dropped on Piper's cheeks. Just the thought that she would loose this Chris, too, made her so scared, so sad, so full of hate… She was not loosing her son again! She swore that this Chris was going to have a happy life with his family. His mom, brother, aunts and dad… Dad? Leo… As Piper thought about Leo, she had to admit that her sons may not grew up with their father. As much as she wanted Leo to be himself again, it seemed hopeless. He was even more lost than Piper…

_God give me the truth, in me_

_And tell me somebody's watching over me_

And Piper was very lost. She didn't know what to do or to think, all she knew was that she was angry. Oh yeah, very angry. She was angry with the Elders for letting her son die, she was angry with her sisters for falling to that stupid spell, she was angry with Wyatt for letting himself be in trouble (although she hated herself by thinking that), she was angry with Leo, for not doing everything he could to safe Chris, she was angry with herself for being so damn STUPID! Little Chris in her arms started to cry. It was as if he sensed all the anger and hate coming from Piper. "Hush, baby. It's okay, Mommy's here. Mommy's not going anywhere", Piper whispered. She heard the door opening. "Go away!" she said, thinking it was Phoebe or Paige. But it wasn't. She heard small steps behind her and turned around. Wyatt, who had no idea about her mother's anger, came in. He walked to Piper and looked at her, hurt. He was jealous to baby Chris. He got all the attention around this house these days. And as Piper looked at her firstborn, all her anger towards him melt. She kneeled down and pulled Wyatt into a hug. How could anyone want to turn him evil? Her babyboy, her beautiful babyboy…

_And that is all I'm praying is that_

_Someday, I will understand_

_God's whole plan_

_and what He's done to me_

As Piper pulled away she saw for the first time how much Wyatt reminded her about Leo. And now when she thought about it, Chris had looked a little bit like her… She smiled. She was sure that Chris had still loved his big bother, despite everything. No one would have done so much to save someone without love. Not even someone who had the whole world to safe, too…

_Oh but maybe, someday I will breath_

_And I'll finally see_

_I'll see it all in my baby_

And Leo… He loves his sons more than anything in the world, Piper knew that. That was the reason why Leo was so upset. Someone he had trusted had killed his son, and tried to kill the other one, too. That would make any father upset. But Leo wasn't just any father. Leo had powers and he wanted his revenge. He was hunting… that son of a bitch who helped Gideon to kill Chris was going to pay. Piper was starting to get worried. Leo had to slow down, Leo had to aloud himself to mourn. Or he would become like Piper when Prue died… And it was not good.

_Don't you run too fast, my dear_

_Why don't you stop_

Piper knew Leo was running away from the pain. He couldn't even hold the baby Chris in his arms. He was broken, Piper knew that. But for God's sake, didn't baby Chris deserve a happy life with his family! Didn't they both deserve to have a daddy? Didn't Piper deserve to have husband? Yes, they did and Leo knew it. So why didn't he calm down? The revenge would not bring Chris back, it would only make Leo hurt more. "We need you, Leo", Piper whispered. "I love you… Come home!"

_Just stop and listen to your tears_

_They are all you've got_

"Piper?" Piper didn't answer. Paige and Phoebe had already cried their tears. Not that they weren't sad… But they didn't understand, they never could. They didn't understand what it felt like, when you find out that the boy you've treated horribly was your own son. And that he was saving his family. Leo had been even more horrible to him than Piper. He held so much guilt inside him. Guilt for not being there for him, guilt for not trusting him, guilt for even what the other Leo had done. "Piper, are you here?" Phoebe looked into the dark room. "You hungry?" she asked. "No", Piper simply answered. Phoebe nodded. "We'll be downstairs." Piper didn't say anything, she just turned her attention back to her boys. "Don't worry. We'll get your father back." But Piper knew, she may not be able to keep that promise.

_It's in you _

_You see,_

_Somebody's watching over you_

_And that is all I'm praying is that_

_Someday, you will understand_

_God's whole plan, and what He dose to you_

Leo didn't see it… he didn't see that their Chris was fine, and that he was going to see how he would grow up to be that handsome man they loved. They would see him smile and laugh and play with his bigbrother, not worrying about what happened in a different lifetime. Because they would never know. Never.

_Oh but baby, someday you will breath_

_And you finally see_

_You see it all in your baby_

There was a black hole in Piper's heart. She wanted Leo there. She had finally realized, that it didn't matter how hard she tried to find a replacement, that hole would always belong to Leo. No one else. She loved Leo with all her heart, and she wanted him back. She wanted her husband! Her own Leo. The one that proposed to her in a bathroom, the one that fought as hard as he could against Dan to win Piper's love, the one that gave everything up for his family. That Leo was still down there, somewhere. Piper just had to find him.

_No moment will be more true_

_Than the moment I look at you_

Suddenly Wyatt looked up and pointed at the ceiling. "Dada", he said. Piper was surprised. Leo was in the attic? "Okay, its time to fix this family!"

_It's in you _

_You see,_

_Somebody's watching over you _

_And that is all I'm praying is that _

_Someday, you will understand_

_God's whole plan and what he does to you_

_Oh but baby, someday you will breathe_

_And you'll finally see_

_You'll see it all in your baby…_


End file.
